It takes a village...

...that's what they say about raising a child, but I am coming to think it's the same when caring for a loved one. There is only so much I can do on my own: we both need the benefit of additional input and support, the breath of fresh air that comes when others step in, however briefly and in whatever way. We love the new stories that come from time spent with others; the time out; the time away; the time apart; the time together in a different way; the fresh perspectives on life, the universe and everything. And that's when we realise we are very blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family, all willing to do their bit.

Village People

I've spoken about the challenges of respite, the impossibility of securing cover, the stress of never actually being able to rely on a plan coming to fruition, the upset of being let down repeatedly at the last minute, all just adding to the relentless wear and tear of caring. But respite doesn't just have to take the shape of a care worker stepping in. As well as the wonderful Sally (everyone needs a Sally!) we have an amazing array of friends and family, near and far, our very own Village People, who day-to-day make differences in so many ways:

• the knock at the door to deliver kind words or soup or jam or raspberries or kippers(!!) or other treats and supplies;

• the pre-arranged phone call to find out how I’m doing (“No, how are you really doing?”);

• the unexpected card or email or message checking in and sending love;

• the offer to take Euan out to play so I can get on at home (even tucking him up for a nap when he needs it - Ron & Mhairi you are stars!);

• the making of Euan's tea so I can go and join in with my newly embraced coastal rowing - Sally, you have made a dream come true;

• the driving across the country just to spend the day with us, or diverting en route to or from elsewhere, as if you were 'just passing' - so many friends have done this and more are in the diary, often bringing lunch or treats along with them, just so kind;

• the meeting in the middle so we can enjoy a day out with friends who live too far away for a there-and-back - several trips already and more in the offing with Perthshire, Fife and East Coast friends;

• the help to keep the garden in check and manage all the watering;

• the heroic efforts of my sister coming all the way from Northumberland for a mere 24 hours to help me rescue the house from the devastating effects of the wet room conversion before we set off on our 5-week odyssey, so we didn't have to come back to plaster dust and chaos;

• the overnight guests (a rare thing now) bringing all their own bedding and towels (and even their own camper van, Gordon & Jill!) and organising fish and chips or a take away from the fabulous Ayr India;

• the online shopping done on our behalf to help keep Euan in socks that both of us can manage to pull on and off (thank you sis!);

• the regular Zooms and WhatsApps with far flung friends and family – you are our ‘Virtual Village.’

Hugh & Clair keep us chuckling

Sisterly support

Good fairies Gordon & Jill

Anne & Paul - love from Sanna

Fenning & Gillie scoop us up

Lots of lovely Nicols!

Bridget & John day tripping

Robin & Rachel halfway meet-up

Jill & Rosie day tripping

Jill & Graham sending love

Cheers Ron & Mhairi!

All the fun of the village fair

Every village worth its salt has a fair or two, and it felt as though our very own village fair was in full swing at times this summer. A recent camping trip with the motorhome saw a succession of friends come to join us from all over Scotland and it was wonderful to discover how easy it was for Euan to be 'shared.' Everyone enjoys Euan's company and there were many hands to make light work of shifting him when he needed help to move, or propping him up when he became particularly wonky, or rescuing him from the loo when he was wrestling with belts and buttons, or making him comfy when he had fallen asleep mid chat.

Fire basket fun with chums

Alpaca treat from Jill

New portrait material!

Alpaca antics

The kayak gang gathers

Hijinks with Ron & Mhairi

Ice cream gang giggles

Island adventurers

Laid back beach basking

Late night blethers

Open for business!

I knew Euan was safe when I went for a swim, and the chance to go out in my kayak for the first time in over six years wouldn't have happened without the efforts of lovely Village People - Sally bringing my boat all the way from Ayr as a special delivery, Hugh and Clair and David chumming me out on the water and the rest of the gang happily keeping Euan company on shore until I returned. I really thought I would never kayak again, but you amazing folk made that possible. Outings with alpacas and bicycles and beach parties and campfires and ice cream have all added to the festive feel of the summer - such a lot of simple, impromptu fun with friends. Thank you.

One happy villager!

You can see by my face what these special magical moments of freedom mean to me.

Gail Weatherill says in her superb book, ‘The Caregiver's Guide to Dementia: Practical Advice for Caring for Yourself and Your Loved One,’ that carers need a couple of hours of respite each day. We are a long way from achieving that, but these lovely interludes really do top me up and help to ease the tightly coiled spring inside me that compresses a little bit more each time I get too tired, to stretched, too overwhelmed by coping with 'all the all' day after day after day. Thank you.

Mermaid delight

Kayaking commences - hurrah!

Lovely company

Peace of mind swimming

That face says it all!!!

Happy Balranald feet

Ocean wave bliss

Creative reconnection

A chance to go at my own pace

It's ironic that much of the respite in all of this has happened when we have been away with the van rather than at home, whether that has been a trip away or a meet-in-the-middle day. Van life is definitely easier in many, many ways, but it's not realistic just to up sticks and take to the road as a way of life. However tempting, we will keep coming back to Westhaven, our haven in the west – we promise!

I am exhausted at times, yes, and at times disheartened, but a lot less than I would have been without the support of our wonderful Village, and both of us are the richer for all the fun and variety that all our fun and various friends bring us.

Little things, big things

Smart socks - thank you, Siân!

Gin-tastic, Gordon & Jill!

Special delivery!

Take away solutions - yum!

Gail Weatherill suggests writing a 'Help List', so that when anyone says, 'Call me,' or 'Just let me know,' or 'I wish I knew how to help,' they can choose something from the list, big or little, that they feel comfortable doing. This post has shared just some of the amazing interventions and kindnesses you amazing Village People have undertaken; some are little, some are big, but all make a huge difference to our wellbeing and our perspective on life. You remind us of the outside world, you energise us with your stories and you help us to see that, despite the day-to-day weight we carry, we are actually doing really, really well.

Thank you, one and all. We are so blessed.

And if, as a carer, you feel you have no village of your own, then reach out and connect. Find your local carers' group, your local Parkinson's UK group, your local Alzheimer's Scotland group, a group related to a hobby or something you would like to try, and build your village - you need to have one, however big, however small.

And one more thing...

We are delighted to announce that we have just appointed a permanent support worker to assist Euan. Hurrah! One more member of our Village, one more pair of hands, one more bearer of stories and one more bringer of practical help to uncoil the spring day by day. Thank you, dear Linda, for your wise words back in April that set the personal assistant ball rolling towards our door.

It takes a village…