Blame it on Mr Parkinson!

Whenever something goes awry - something gets dropped or forgotten or messed up or broken or just goes horribly wrong - we simply blame it on Mr Parkinson.

It’s very easy to get overwhelmed by the stuff that goes wrong when you are living with Parkinson’s, but if you can find ways to hang on to your best self it will make life easier.

Externalise the problem

Quoting a certain princess, we often say, ‘There are three of us in this marriage’ - Euan, me and Mr Parkinson - and when stuff happens, which it does, we blame it on Mr Parkinson. This dissipates the anger and frustration that can erupt at such times and helps us to stay compassionate, resilient and loving. It allows us each to keep our own identities and dignity and integrity intact and recognise that the illness is impacting our lives in ways that are not our fault.

By laying the blame on Mr Parkinson, you take the blame away from your partner or yourself.

Recalibrate with Mr P

Blaming Mr Parkinson allows you both to do the recalibration that needs to happen as you learn to live with the disease. As the carer I need to slow down, be more patient, give Euan time to think, to digest a question, to formulate a reply, to consider my response, give him more time to do the things he used to do without thought and not allow the slower pace and the regular confusions and crossed wires to spark a row.

Quoting a certain princess, we often say, ‘There are three of us in this marriage’ - Euan, me and Mr Parkinson.

Externalising the problem stops you from blaming, judging, becoming angry and can help you to stay in a gentler, kinder place for both of you. You can be drawn closer as you unite in your frustration with the illness. Throw rocks at Mr P, rather than at each other.

Maintain dignity and identity by referencing Mr P

By externalising Parkinson's, it can be easier to talk about issues that arise because of the illness, things that might be awkward or difficult to discuss otherwise. Viewing the disease as something separate from your individual identities makes any issues feel less personal, less demeaning - it shifts the blame. You are both still valid and valuable souls, despite Mr P, and maybe by referencing him you can grow and rise above him. It's not your fault, and you are doing the best you can with what you've got.

Mr P the thief

And in some ways, what you've got is a thief. Stealthily and steadily, Parkinson's takes things away from both of you, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. By seeing Mr P as something separate from the versions of yourself - the business owner, the mountain climber, the sea kayaker, the raconteur - you hold on to the validity of those elements of self, you honour them - and their memory - the part they have played in making you who you are, even if they are things long since lost. Externalising Mr P can help our old friends and new acquaintances see the people that we really are, not just shadowy shells of left hollow by the demands of the disease. It can help us see that, too.

Externalising Mr P can help our old friends and new acquaintances see the people that we really are.

Join forces against Mr P

Externalising Mr P can bring you closer together. It can allow you to join forces against a pesky house guest who came uninvited and who often has no manners or understanding of any social niceties. We have found it has helped us become a united team, finding ways by turns to politely accommodate him, laugh at him, encourage him to remember his manners or simply just give us a break.

You are both still valid and valuable souls, despite Mr P

Recognise what Mr P brings

Without the arrival of Mr P in our lives, we would not have met our Ayrshire Parkinson's Family, a wide-ranging and varied group of folk scattered across these vast west coast counties. Parkinson's brought us together, wonderful friendships have been forged and much fun - and comfort - has been had. Thank you, Mr P!